NOTHING makes sense anymore. At all.
I'm not entirely sure where it started. I think it started becoming apparent last night (early this morning, actually) when I lost my patience in the basement of Silent Hill 0rigins' Cedar Grove Sanitarium (yeah, I play SH, it's great. :D) because I COULD NOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME get to where I needed to be. I guess that game has become a working metaphor of my life, considering I let a couple monsters finish off Travis a few minutes later just so I could turn the stupid console off because I was getting nowhere.
I think my brain is broken. Nothing is going the way I need it to. I'm really hoping it's a simple fix, something like three months of freedom and no school. I know I'll be needing that either way, because this school is strangling the life out of me. It's in a freaking bubble. A bubble full of stupid people with no personality, no knowledge of reality, nothing but their insane amounts of money for things like iPhones and luxury SUVs. There's no imagination, no compassion, no sense of unity, no nothing. The district is really good at faking it but it's not there. If you've ever seen a fish that's about to die of ammonia poisoning, that's what my mind is like right now.
I don't know what has gotten into me but I am a LOT less willing to just accept life in a bubble. The world is much more beautiful outside it and I want out. I want something I can't get here. Escaping that bubble is my rebellion, because I may be a "stupid teenager" but I'm not about to mess with anything like drugs/alcohol/sex/etc. because that is truly stupid. Unfortunately, just as in every rebellion, there are people against it, which I understand, but that's frustrating too because......well, because I'm stubborn, obviously, but also because I feel like maybe I'm old enough to do at least some thinking for myself. I don't know everything and I don't pretend that I do but I try, y'know? I try to do a bit better than the average teenager.
I just wish people had a little more faith in me is all. And I hope I'm making some sense.
